Sunday, October 4, 2015


Off with the old on with the new. This year up to cooking a wonderful meal with my lovely mother tonight that is the kind of high art that can only happen through cooperation which can be always if I try was a monthly and sometimes weekly record fix for cheap nightmare. Almost all of the horrible things that have happened to me this year and last have all been my own wrongdoing and laziness. Well that is long dead and out of my life now! I HATE ENDLESS RECORDS AND ENDLESS MISERY AS MUCH AS I HATE GEORGE W. BUSH AND DONALD TRUMP! High quality great valuable records can only happen but twice a year, but high art and great times can happen always because all I need is willpower and I have it now!
   No longer will I scream, throw huge tantrums, moan, groan, and go crazy having an endless fall into the abyss that leads to the police coming to the house and the worst Hell there is beyond even the depths of the river Styx: hospitalization. Seeing that only one record deal this year was a happy one and all the rest a nightmare it now is fully over and dead and buried for good STARTING NOW NOT TOMORROW OR NEXT MONTH- NOW! I have been my own worst enemy. I have been an impossible, selfish, and stupid heap of misery. Tonight was heavenly and looking forward to a huge and beautiful time of no records for a huge withdrawal and just great fun times topped with a wonderful large Xmas is where I am. Fine high records are like fine art. Expensive, rare, precious, beautiful, and only something that can happen twice a year which is Xmas and birthdays. I was once a very happy contented person who lived off the greatest things in all of life and living and I now am back there again! I also am making a lot of sacrifices and major upheavals along the way.
      I'm a 21st century Ameriphobe I hate everything about America in the 21st century. I'm also a misanthropic person who hates being around stupid big fat white men and ugly nasty reverse racist black people and all the rest of the sickening endless parade of humans. I am happiest with real friends and nature and especially when I am having fun with my family. Most people are so stupid they would sacrifice everything to get that old demon MONEY. They also will try to kill you if you are intelligent in America and try to kill you literally. We are in a all or nothing state where if we don't learn now we're doomed as a nation and the world is doomed to follow us. I have firmly decided to no longer go out and speak to most other people here I am far happier by myself in nature and with my family. I have felt the disease of greed through records for way too long and haven't seen up till now that the endless record fix greed is as bad as killing yourself and your true friends for money which is what this country is about. The only Americans it seems who have any common sense join the Armed Forces or become hermits and naturalists like myself. You'll learn more from a Marine or soldier than any of the civilians for the most part in America. So what is the trigger for the sickness of the masses? They believe everything they see on TV reality shows and in Gung Ho macho movies. Most American males fatten themselves up on violence acted out on the TV and internet and then go out and murder people. The latest school shooting is the last draw! BAN WEAPONS NATION AND WORLDWIDE! Unless hunting, killing, and destruction are put to a swift end we are the shittiest country in the world permanently. Anyone can get their hands on a gun and I HATE GUNS!
      My withdrawing from people leads to most of my best art and my energy I'd far rather spend on me than on them. I have only two best friends who are also the two friends I have left my mother and father. My mother is a hard working and kindhearted intelligent person and the same goes for my father and they are getting older all the time and so am I. We all have reached the point where there has to be going back to the good old days and staying out of the horrendous violent destructive all-on-my-part recent past. I love music. I love great rare valuable records and the only way to have them is through long silent periods of saving, relaxing, and forgetting about instant gratification. HASTE MAKES WASTE! You can't have a William Morris fabric without thinking of how long it took him to perfect it and you can't have Shakespeare if you are illiterate. The same goes for records. I think the rareness of them and huge expense should go mainly to the artists and not to hawkish auctioneers, but there has yet to be that change for honoring and not forgetting who made such beautiful music. The only people I am comfortable around are the intellectually oriented, art worshiping, wide minded scant few in our vast wasteland of a country and world. Our pollution of the environment is terrifying. So is our destruction of everything our founding fathers believed in and the closeness to the land treasured by the Native Americans who are the true founders of this country. I think of the three homicide attempts against me in less than a full year's time frequently and staying out of hospitalization and avoiding stupid bloated violent people is the only way to make the avoidance of my death a reality and it's a narrow escape I've had. I now will not go where other people are and I'm not just sick of guns I'm F*CKIGN SICK OF GUYS WITH TATTOOS AND GIRLS WHO ARE CHEAP SLUTS! That is America: tattoo covered macho scumbags and girls who would love it if the grease bag trashed raped them so they could multiply and take over the whole world. I think the scorn shown to us by the rest of the world speaks volumes more than a whole encyclopedia of our errors. I once was proud of being American and I can never be proud again. My lyrics are too blood hungry to print. I use them as a kind of literary punching bag because within every animal there is a strong survival instinct and I am far more of an animal than a human in a lot of ways. Humans are so stupid they forget they are actually animals!
      It wasn't always like how it is now. There was a time ages ago when people lived off nature, loved each other, cared about the right values, and made amazing works of art. With mass media the sickness began and with the internet the rotten state of the world has turned a nightmare into a way of life as sick and obscene as something you'd find in the depths of Hell. I don't believe in organized religion, but I believe in a higher spirit and calling and the spirit in me is strong enough to rise out of the horrible predicaments I've put my life and myself in. The best music was made back in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, and most of it comes from outside the U.S. Canada is the very beginning as there is both the French and British/Scottish/Irish influence and it really takes off in England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, and Europe. People used to care about the message in a song and the instrumentation used to be rich and intricate. Let us remember the beautiful times that have passed. It's not up to me to save the world from what it's turned into, however, it's up to me to save myself and the people I love. Take a long breath of a sunlit autumn day and lie down in a field. Press yourself into the earth until you are like the grass and foliage itself and close your eyes and feel the art and nature coming into you. If you have missed all the valid truth in that experience then stay away from people who are intelligent like I am and my family who are my bedrock are! In other words IF YOU ARE VIOLENT, CAPITALISTIC, AND WEAR TATTOOS BUGGER OFF! TO MY JUST RECENT PAST INCARNATION OF ROTTEN VEGETABLE CHEAPO INSTANT GRATIFICATION THE SAME TWO WORD PHRASE APPLIES! THAT IS THE TRUTH AND THE ENTIRE REALITY! Goodnight for now to some and a permanent blackout wished on those who know who they are!


It's been far too long since I wrote my last blog and during that time away from writing I have had to focus nearly all my attention on dealing with severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and picking up my life and taking it out of the gutter. Unfortunately, for there to be beginnings there have to be endings and for there to be discoveries there have to be losses. Let me say that the ending and loss is a good solid healthy one: I AM THROUGH DEALING IN MONTHLY AND WEEKLY RECORD CHAOS! My blog focuses on music and records, but better to enjoy great finds instead of piling on tons more, getting greedy, and as happened again yesterday getting totally hysterical. I am now only getting very large orders for two occasions: Xmases and Birthdays. That's right I'm gone from record dealing, buying, selling, trading, and all the horrendous things that go with it.
      So what may you ask lead to this remarkable ending of a million year long quagmire? I had a nightmarish Deja Vu experience where a nightmare turned real when I went to a seedy trashy scary store in a seedy trashy scary town two days ago. Then yesterday when 81 records got me $300 I had a fit and screamed and sobbed and whimpered and became a hysterical bastard to my mum and dad which is the kind of madness and misery records have brought me. DONE GONE DEAD OVER. I now have put together a beautiful Xmas for myself and I'm out of records until they will be shipped from the Netherlands and then opened on Xmas morning. Also, I hate heavy metal now nearly all of it and I easily could have made this entry a railing against the kind of murderous and twisted childish rubbish sold like pablum to eager brainless metal heads by such noteworthy hacks as Iron Maiden, W.A.S.P, Slayer, Metallica, the charmingly (NOT) named Cannibal Corpse, Anthrax Korn, Tool, and all the rest of them. Aside from very melodic flirtations with metal and melodic hard rock and more album oriented rock and pomp rock which are subgenres I hate the major output of the genre heavy metal. This was another huge change in my life and one I'm also overjoyed about.
          I now have shelves full up to nearly the entire level with records and have been loving the discoveries I've made and listened to for the first time and also a lot of old friends that have come back. I'm set! New treats are endless every time I play albums as obscure as Thrills, Morris Albert English Version, Zerra One, What If, and numerous others. Yes the feeding frenzy back then was astonishing! It's odd to go through huge upheavals in your life and the ending of the gorging on record deals and the mellowing of my musical taste is something that is a very nice and loving, comforting upheaval. Winter is coming in late November. I hope for everyone's sake it will be a mild one! Like seasons change people have to change and make adjustments. My changes and adjustments are mainly based around the need for a quieter more productive life where I'm not wallowing in the gutter for year in and out. Music is a healing and great thing in the right and constructive manner i.e LISTEN TO IT AND TREASURE IT! I also believe times were better a long time ago and now we're not doing ourselves any good with endless wars and constant demolition of the environment. How we never learn and continue to send young men and women off to get killed and pour all our money into oil and other greedy harmful-to-everyone police state meets callous political and monetary interests is something that doesn't just make ME sick a lot of people are fed up with it!
       You could learn a lot from all kinds of things in life, but when the sun is out I'm a nature loving person who communes with the animals, trees, and all the other wonderful and by too many of us overlooked brilliance nature has to offer. There was actually quite a heavy movement towards going back to our beginnings and closeness with nature a long time ago so I know not where we ended up  turning into a bunch of filth so stupid that brainless doesn't even capture how dumb most people are. In case you haven't already figured it out I HATE TO BE EVEN IN THE SAME ROOM WITH MOST PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY! I could scream about it all I want, but that would be to not see what is so upsetting about the recent developments in America that have over an increasingly vicious period of time eroded all that we once had and everything we promised to bring to the world's table. It's not funny and can't be laughed at. It's a very sad conclusion you have to draw when your nation has become centered around nationalism which is becoming a worldwide plague. As for our warlike and inhumane behavior nothing has improved since people crowded every city and town in protest of the atrocity and tragedy of The Vietnam War. Yes, you could learn a lot. I have and some of us have, BUT MOST OF US HAVEN'T!
        I've been going on tirades. I want to end this on a positive note. My mother and father and two kitty cats are who I treasure most in life. I know how when my mother gets snappy, vicious, and moody on occasion she is voicing her disappointment at a huge step backwards and I know that getting into huge states of mania over records and greed are to be thrown out the window. Goodbye and good riddance. I look forward to filling my time with relaxing, having great food, watching movies sometiems, listening to all the great records I have, and doing things that will heal instead of harm myself and my family. I also have such a strong will that if there is something I'm determined to do I can do it. I'm glad about my waking up and the new direction life is already heading in. I know there's got to be some way to turn all the wrong into something good. Put it into the earth and let it erode then finally after the erosion flowers will grow out of it. Think about nature. Think about life. There is a lot we can learn from both. Cheers for now and will be writing again soon!